hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
