saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
