After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
