I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
