on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
