Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
