she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
