Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm passing your future prison.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
