He is such a slut. More and more my type.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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