Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
