My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
