i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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