I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
