How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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