I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
