The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
