I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
