I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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