I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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