So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
