wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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