the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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