and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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