Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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