But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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