i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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