I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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