is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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