i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
