6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
