i need an iv and a liver transplant
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I will pee on everything he values.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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