Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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