Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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