It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
