my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
