what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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