Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
