I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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