I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
