i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
