What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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