This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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