I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
