somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
