Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.