I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
