don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.