Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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