Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
