Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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