OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So. Much. Porn.
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