Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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