Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
