need another drink. this is the easiest way
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
