just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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