turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
