my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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