I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
