I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm really busy with my period
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