so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize