2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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