Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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