It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I FOUND THE LEGS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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