Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
