I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
