you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
