I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
