I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
