She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
