Swine flu. Run for my life!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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