My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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