I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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