Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
