Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
