don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize