i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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