New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
