so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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