we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
