NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
