I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
