God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
