Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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