The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
