Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
